{"id":315611,"date":"2026-04-22T09:23:01","date_gmt":"2026-04-22T07:23:01","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/cookinc.it\/?p=315611"},"modified":"2026-04-22T09:23:02","modified_gmt":"2026-04-22T07:23:02","slug":"im-dating-the-restaurant-the-restaurant-is-dating-you","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/cookinc.it\/en\/2026\/04\/22\/im-dating-the-restaurant-the-restaurant-is-dating-you\/","title":{"rendered":"I’m dating the restaurant, the restaurant is dating you"},"content":{"rendered":"\n\n\n

Are you meeting somebody?<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

No, I\u2019m dating the restaurant.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Are you dining alone?<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

No, I\u2019m dating the restaurant.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

(I said it just like that.)<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Should I put those flowers in a vase for you?<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Please do, they\u2019re for the restaurant.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Right this way, sir.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

To my booth, table, barstool. Praying it\u2019s a barstool.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Restaurants, I\u2019ve dated a few. Right now I\u2019m seeing this one in East London. Dalston, to be exact. We just met tonight, a mutual friend set us up. It\u2019s going to be quick, we\u2019ve only got the table for an hour. The waiter keeps whispering sweet nothings in my ear, things that sound like dinner specials, but I already know what I want. I order dinner for two and a bottle of an Alsatian muscat blend I\u2019ve been dying to try. It doesn\u2019t even matter. I\u2019m here for the restaurant, didn\u2019t I tell you that already?<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

This is the beginning of a short story I never finished. It was supposed to be a joke. It was supposed to have a punchline. I just couldn\u2019t crack it. It felt too cloying, too desperate, too real. It was inspired by a real dinner I had at Mangal II in East London sometime during the 2019 holiday season. I was eating there alone because I couldn\u2019t get anyone to come with me. My sister, who I was visiting in London, had a life, a job, and a kid to take care of. I think it was a Tuesday. And me? I was on vacation. I just had restaurants to date. I didn\u2019t mind going alone, it meant I could order exactly what I wanted. Usually that means offal. It also meant I could just look around and observe the place. To me, that was half the point.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

At the time I was deep into a waiter’s life in Sweden. I lived above the restaurant I worked in, and being part of the globalized restaurant community was all I cared about. My only friends were my coworkers and I liked it that way. There had been a heartbreak, and the job picked me up off the floor. The community glued my feet to the ground. I was part of the continuum and maintaining that membership meant eating out. A lot. New restaurants, old restaurants, I was constantly looking for the next hot date. Mangal II was just next on a list of Tinder matches that I was using to wring some meaning out of my life.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

My thing is, I love restaurants like other people love romantic partners. It\u2019s not normal.<\/mark> It\u2019s not even very discriminating. I love good ones, bad ones, Chinese ones, or in this case, East London ocakbasi ones. My dinner at Mangal II was fantastic but this isn\u2019t a restaurant review. Do you review the people you date online? Maybe you do but that\u2019s nasty work. I don\u2019t go to a restaurant for a good time, I go to a restaurant to go to a restaurant.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I know what that sounds like. Yes, I was intensely lonely, but I didn\u2019t feel intensely lonely. I always had a restaurant to go to.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It\u2019s the sweetbreads, the mushroom burek, and the cull yaw kofte for me. The grilled octopus too. But the food, the food is not the point. The wine? The wine could be the point. On another night, it would be. I could really tell you about this wine. It\u2019s a blend of muscat, gewurztraminer, pinot gris, and riesling, the four noble grapes of Alsace. It\u2019s also transcendent. But who cares? I already told you what this is about.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

The waiter is coming over. I think he wants to kiss me? No he doesn\u2019t. He wants to know if want dessert. I don\u2019t eat dessert, I would love something to help me digest all this delicious food though. Maybe a big glass of raki? Bring the water to the table please, I like to see it louche.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

They\u2019re gonna have to carry me out of this one. They\u2019ll be sad to see me go. They wanted me to be there as much as I did. Sometimes a little reciprocation is all it takes. Sometimes that\u2019s all you need. That and a little friction.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

The story gets even more delusional from there. There are lines about humping the woodwork of handcrafted tables, inappropriately handling French cutlery, etc. I didn\u2019t know how it would get there but I knew I wanted to end it on a note of sad, empty, cynicism. I had the last line in my head for weeks.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Everybody knows you\u2019re nothing but the last restaurant you ate at.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

This is what hopeless devotion looks like. I\u2019m much more Sandy in Grease than Gordon Ramsey in Hell\u2019s Kitchen when it comes to food. There was supposed to be an American Psycho-esque element of satire to the story, but it ended up just kind of pathetic. I was clearly sick with obsession. Before I left I gave half my bottle of wine to the table next to me. They were waiters too. I couldn\u2019t finish the bottle on my own, not with the rest of the drinking I had to do that night anyway. It was still early when I stumbled out of Mangal II, and I planned on eating somewhere else, post-digestion. Maybe some late night Chinese? A classic bang-bang? London has too many restaurants, how would I ever try them all if I didn’t eat five meals a day?<\/mark><\/p>\n\n\n\n

There are wrong ways to travel.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Even after the high of Mangal II, a meal that had me levitating in my seat, I was still looking for another hit. I spent the rest of the night walking around Hackney, a coworker of mine used to live there and told me where to go. I stopped at her old local, The Shacklewell Arms, and tried to imagine her life there. I took a piss in the obscenely small bathroom she used to rail lines in, thought about recreating the scene, but in the end I left, walked to Beigel Bake, and had some salt beef.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Back then I would do anything to get out of myself. To become something new. Isn\u2019t that what dating is all about? And eating too? We\u2019re all just out there looking for that one meal, or person, to make our empty stomach, or life, whole again.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A lot of times, particularly with offal, people transpose qualities onto their food, assign them properties in the hopes of absorbing them. Eat a beef heart and become fearless, try bull testicles to boost your libido, go to a Michelin starred restaurant and develop taste. As it turns out, you can\u2019t absorb testosterone through your stomach lining, all heart does is strengthen your immune system, and there’s not a single restaurant out there that can make you a better person.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I\u2019m wondering how long this thing can really last? Should I come back tomorrow? There\u2019s more food and there\u2019s definitely more bottles. I know, it\u2019s only the first date, but do you mind if I put us on Instagram? It doesn\u2019t have to mean anything, unless, unless you want it to? But no, it\u2019s a one night thing. We had a good time, why ruin it with more attention to detail. Pretty soon I\u2019ll be coming every week and pretty soon after that we\u2019ll be in couple\u2019s therapy.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

I just want a little passion, a little spark. I\u2019m easy that way. And I\u2019m not crazy, you know. There are other people in my life. I know the man I\u2019d rather be here with. I know the woman. I was just texting them both before I got here. But never during.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

During, I’m putting the words together. I\u2019m exposing myself, I\u2019m learning things. The first date is awkward if you don\u2019t show enthusiasm. If you can\u2019t even fake a conversation, or interest, or desire, what\u2019s the point? If the restaurant\u2019s not making eyes at me, then I\u2019m eyeing the kebab place around the corner. I read about that place online, I heard they put out.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

When I love a restaurant, it\u2019s unconditional. It has to be. I will sit through a bad meal thinking, oh, they\u2019re just having a tough time. I will drink broken glass if my cup is chipped. I will tip anyway. It\u2019s what I want in return. Acceptance, reciprocation. I know it\u2019s not exclusive, but to me it is private. I don\u2019t need another customer\u2019s love to validate my own. I don\u2019t want to know who else sits in my barstool when I\u2019m not there. They can have the weekend if I get the week. It\u2019s not a competition.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

And yes, I know a restaurant is offering a service. That service is not love, but it is care. Sometimes that care can be suffocating. Sometimes it\u2019s just the right amount. Sometimes there\u2019s a spark that flames out halfway through a meal.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Have you ever gone on a date and known it\u2019s not going to work in the first five minutes?<\/mark> Because I haven\u2019t. I never know it\u2019s over until long after it\u2019s done. I will come back, time and time again, thinking that maybe this time, maybe this meal will be \u201cthe one\u201d.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Maybe we\u2019ll just enjoy each other’s company for a night and leave it at that.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Are you meeting somebody? No, I\u2019m dating the restaurant. Are you dining alone? No, I\u2019m dating the restaurant. (I said it just like that.) Should I put those flowers in a vase for you? Please do, they\u2019re for the restaurant. Right this way, sir. To my booth, table, barstool. Praying it\u2019s a barstool. Restaurants, I\u2019ve […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":315612,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"graphics-double-column","format":"standard","meta":{"_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","_seopress_robots_follow":"","_seopress_robots_imageindex":"","_seopress_robots_snippet":"","_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_robots_breadcrumbs":"","_seopress_robots_freeze_modified_date":"","_seopress_robots_custom_modified_date":"","_seopress_robots_canonical":"","_seopress_social_fb_title":"","_seopress_social_fb_desc":"","_seopress_social_fb_img":"","_seopress_social_fb_img_attachment_id":0,"_seopress_social_fb_img_width":0,"_seopress_social_fb_img_height":0,"_seopress_social_twitter_title":"","_seopress_social_twitter_desc":"","_seopress_social_twitter_img":"","_seopress_social_twitter_img_attachment_id":0,"_seopress_social_twitter_img_width":0,"_seopress_social_twitter_img_height":0,"_seopress_redirections_value":"","_seopress_redirections_enabled":"","_seopress_redirections_enabled_regex":"","_seopress_redirections_logged_status":"","_seopress_redirections_param":"","_seopress_redirections_type":0,"_seopress_analysis_target_kw":"","_seopress_news_disabled":"","_seopress_video_disabled":"","_seopress_video":[],"_seopress_pro_schemas_manual":[],"_seopress_pro_rich_snippets_disable_all":"","_seopress_pro_rich_snippets_disable":[],"_seopress_pro_schemas":[],"selected_color":"","palette":"{\"media_id\":315612,\"colors\":[[4,4,4],[207,205,207],[91,88,91],[124,124,124],[121,109,135]],\"selected\":\"rgb(91, 88, 91)\",\"gradients\":{\"a1\":[\"#fffbff\",\"#fff7ff\",\"#eedbff\",\"#d9b9ff\",\"#c199f2\",\"#a67fd6\",\"#8b65ba\",\"#583485\",\"#350c62\",\"#2a0054\",\"#1c003b\"],\"a2\":[\"#fffbff\",\"#fff7ff\",\"#ecddf7\",\"#cfc1da\",\"#b3a6be\",\"#988ca3\",\"#7e7389\",\"#4c4357\",\"#2b2235\",\"#20182a\",\"#150d1f\"],\"a3\":[\"#fffbff\",\"#fff8f7\",\"#ffd9de\",\"#f2b7c0\",\"#d49da5\",\"#b7838b\",\"#9b6a72\",\"#653b42\",\"#3e1a22\",\"#321018\",\"#25060e\"],\"n1\":[\"#fffbff\",\"#fef7fc\",\"#e7e1e5\",\"#cac5c9\",\"#afaaae\",\"#948f94\",\"#7a767a\",\"#49464a\",\"#272528\",\"#1d1b1e\",\"#121014\"],\"n2\":[\"#fffbff\",\"#fff7ff\",\"#e8e0eb\",\"#ccc4cf\",\"#b0a9b3\",\"#958e99\",\"#7b757f\",\"#4a454e\",\"#28242c\",\"#1e1a22\",\"#130f17\"],\"error\":[\"#fffbff\",\"#fff8f7\",\"#ffdad6\",\"#ffb4ab\",\"#ff897d\",\"#ff5449\",\"#de3730\",\"#93000a\",\"#540003\",\"#410002\",\"#2d0001\"]}}","authors":"[{\"role\":\"Words by\",\"related\":[{\"postType\":\"collaborator\",\"postTypeLabel\":\"Contributor\",\"title\":\"Jake Mike Boy\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/cookinc.it\/en\/collaboratore\/jake-mike-boy\/\",\"ID\":277344,\"value\":277344,\"label\":\"Jake Mike Boy\",\"thumbnail\":false}],\"title\":\"\",\"unique_id\":\"MTc3NjcwMDE5MjgyNF9udDl4MjZkaG84aF8wLjk5MDE1NDM0MTcxNzE5Nzc=\"}]","magazine_id":"","footnotes":""},"categories":[2401],"tags":[],"location":[],"class_list":["post-315611","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-an-offal-opinion"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/cookinc.it\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/315611","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/cookinc.it\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/cookinc.it\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/cookinc.it\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/cookinc.it\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=315611"}],"version-history":[{"count":3,"href":"https:\/\/cookinc.it\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/315611\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":315616,"href":"https:\/\/cookinc.it\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/315611\/revisions\/315616"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/cookinc.it\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/315612"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/cookinc.it\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=315611"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/cookinc.it\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=315611"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/cookinc.it\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=315611"},{"taxonomy":"location","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/cookinc.it\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/location?post=315611"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}