{"id":213926,"date":"2025-11-07T04:11:00","date_gmt":"2025-11-07T03:11:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/cookinc.it\/?p=213926"},"modified":"2025-11-08T17:21:22","modified_gmt":"2025-11-08T16:21:22","slug":"spatchcock","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/cookinc.it\/en\/2025\/11\/07\/spatchcock\/","title":{"rendered":"Spatchcock"},"content":{"rendered":"\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\"><em>Spatchcock<\/em>. Dead, obviously. The steel bins still ring from the spray of skull shrapnel.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">I slide my phone between the railings, take a photo with the location of the dead man below and send it to the Agency. Simple as parking a Lime Bike.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Farooq\u2019s at the bottom of the fire escape where I left him.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">\u2018That\u2019s that then?\u2019 he asks, pushing himself off the wall.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">\u2018That\u2019s that.\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">\u2018Excellent, I\u2019m starving.\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">I push him round the corner. We\u2019re almost at the end of the street when we hear someone scream.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">\u2018Bit of a delayed reaction,\u2019 Farooq says. \u2018Where is everyone?\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">\u2018Pub?\u2019 I say, \u2018it\u2019s two o\u2019clock on a Friday.\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">\u2018Wish we were at the pub. Have you been paid yet?\u2019 <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">\u2018No.&#8221;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Me neither. Falafel wrap it is.\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">I separate filters and pennies from my pocket and Farooq steers me to the hole-in- the-wall Falafel Shack just off Petticoat Lane. Unhelpfully &#8211; this close to the scene of the crime &#8211; the guys greet us loudly by name.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">\u2018No onion?\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">\u2018Yeah, no onion, thanks.\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">\u2018Give him onions,\u2019 Farooq says, \u2018it\u2019s Friday, I\u2019ll kiss him. He\u2019s got cash.\u2019 <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">With wraps packed as fat as my thigh, we push through the dozy market punters and walk along Whitechapel Road. I\u2019m too absorbed in my wrap to notice the puddles of fish guts until my socks are wet. I need to remember to breathe between mouthfuls, to chew, to suck garlic yogurt from the creases in the paper with moderate dignity.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Biryani House is a biryani takeaway with a red panelled shop front and gold painted lettering. Odette saw the first-floor flat TO LET sign from the bus and declared it ours. Never mind the two giant plain trees obstructing all sunlight or the view onto Mile End road, you can access the little terrace over the shop front via the kitchen window and that, in her opinion, is devastatingly whimsical. We were fresh out of drama school, the rent was expensive because everything was expensive, we were romantics. We were juggling three or four jobs each, tying ourselves over until we landed our big break. One more side hustle and we could do it.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"is-style-emphasis wp-block-paragraph\">We just had to think unorthodox.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Odette\u2019s crouched outside the front door in black gym gear, rifling through her tote bag, one arm stuck out to keep the plastic tupperware upright. A bead of tamarind sauce is leaking into her armpit. I rattle my keys. <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">\u2018I thought you had the day off,\u2019 Farooq says.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">\u2018It was last minute.\u2019 Odette stands and slings her bag back over her shoulder. \u2018How did the audition go?\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">\u2018Great, apparently, but they\u2019re looking for someone browner. I had a cry and a ciggy and watched Jack push a man out of a seventh-floor window.\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">She looks at my soggy trainers. <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">\u2018That\u2019s market bin juice,\u2019 I say.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">They head upstairs and I take off my trainers and socks in the hall. Odette\u2019s already on the phone, reeling off her post-work takeaway order.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">\u2018She tripled the order,\u2019 Farooq says quietly when I close the door. <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">\u2018Are you sure? She\u2019s hungry.\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">\u2018Twelve paneer samosas,\u2019 He nods to the box of Merlot on the counter. <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">\u2018I thought we finished that last night?\u2019 I say.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">\u2018We did. She\u2019s obviously been paid.\u2019 \u2018So be nice to her.\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Spicy grease hangs heavy about the terrace. I smoke three cigarettes to ease the adrenaline crash. <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Farooq sets the box and tumblers on the table and takes a deckchair. <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">\u2018She can have the armchair,\u2019 he says. \u2018Because I\u2019m nice.\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Odette accepts a glass of her own wine without comment. She spreads the aluminium feast over the little table and tells us to help ourselves, which we do, immediately, with the indecent, intimate savagery the three of us can share alone on our terrace. Her hair is wet and the smell of Deep Heat cuts the balmy air.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Appetite sated, Farooq falls asleep in the deckchair. I feel a lot calmer. Odette has ripped the shrivelled wine bag from the box and cradles it to her chest. It looks like an organ. <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">A few years ago, Odette and I tailed five American golfers to a castle in the Highlands. We signed into the private club as wealthy newlyweds on their honeymoon \u2013 the South African accent a wholly unnecessary and incriminating addition to our alibi. We accepted complimentary prosecco, ate little sandwiches, hired golf clubs; took a stroll across the course. <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">An hour into their round of golf, the five men pulled over in their golf buggy to watch Odette take a swing. <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">\u2018Clumsy, but kinda cute,\u2019 one man chuckled, hopping out of the buggy.<br><br>\u2018Like this?\u2019 She asked. Odette swung the club so hard into the side of his head an eyeball popped out. She drew out her shotgun and shot two more \u2013 bang, bang \u2013 in the face. I shot the last man in the throat and he fell to his knees in horrible, messy agony and Odette said, \u2018no, no, Jack, don\u2019t be cruel,\u2019 and she shot him through the brain.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">It had been one of my first jobs and the head rush made me sick. Odette bundled me into the car with a blanket and drove us to the village. She bought our bodyweight in hot pasties and pies from a butcher and we ate them on the bonnet of the rental, cramming our mouths, unable to speak until we slumped, drunk on salt, fat and carbs and I watched Odette in a blissful stupor, her sticky fingers limp her lap, gravy smeared in her hair because she kept looping it behind her ears as she ate.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"is-style-default wp-block-paragraph\">\u2018Feed the highs or you\u2019ll crash with despair,\u2019 she\u2019d said. But over time the highs are harder to satisfy.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Now Odette drains the bag from the spout. She stands up, steps over the little table and takes my face in her hands. Her eyes are black. She tips back my head, squeezing my lips apart and expresses the wine from her mouth. I drag her to the floor. <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">\u2018My acting agent dropped me,\u2019 she whispers afterwards. Every nook and cranny of me burns with Deep Heat. <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">\u2018Shit, Odette. Are you going to look for another one?\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">\u2018Maybe.\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">She shivers and I cover her in my T-shirt. \u2018You can\u2019t give up,\u2019 I say. <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">\u2018I\u2019m not giving up.\u2019 <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">\u2018Because this side hustle\u2019s insane. Keep the real goal in mind. We\u2019re actors, not killers.&#8221; <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Her pupils have shrunk. I can see a ring of grey. \u2028<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">\u2018It pays well,\u2019 she says. \u2018I work regularly and I eat well. I\u2019m good at it.\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">\u2018And you go to bed satisfied?\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Odette reaches for a cold onion bhaji. <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">I say, \u2018I\u2019ve got a recall tomorrow for a cat food commercial.\u2019 <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">\u2018I\u2019ve got a cash in hand job in Surrey Quays. Fifteen-grand two ways if you want it.\u2019 I roll onto my back.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">\u2018Ask Farooq.\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">\u2018We\u2019re born again vegetarians,\u2019 she whispers, \u2018we recycle our soft plastics, bleed our radiators. Everyone has a limit to their moral high ground.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">\u2018Not me,\u2019 I say.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">She snorts and reaches for another bhaji.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">I turn my back to her and scroll on my phone. I have an email from my acting agent:<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\"><em>Sorry Jack, they\u2019ve decided to go for a candidate with a real pet cat. Have a good weekend.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"is-style-default wp-block-paragraph\">I give myself a minute to sulk, then I turn around. <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"is-style-default wp-block-paragraph\">\u2018Where in Surrey Quays?\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"is-style-default wp-block-paragraph\">\u2018The big car park behind Decathlon.\u2019 <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"is-style-default wp-block-paragraph\">\u2018In broad daylight?\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"is-style-default wp-block-paragraph\">\u2018It\u2019s child traffickers, nobody cares if they die.\u2019 <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"is-style-default wp-block-paragraph\">\u2018True,\u2019 I nod. \u2018True. How do you want to do it?\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"is-style-default wp-block-paragraph\">\u2018Quickly, then we can go for a pint and chips at the Mayflower.\u2019 <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"is-style-default wp-block-paragraph\">\u2018Fine.\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"is-style-default wp-block-paragraph\">We get dressed and throw a blanket over Farooq.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"is-style-emphasis wp-block-paragraph\">I go to bed satisfied.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\"><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Spatchcock. Dead, obviously. The steel bins still ring from the spray of skull shrapnel. I slide my phone between the railings, take a photo with the location of the dead man below and send it to the Agency. Simple as parking a Lime Bike. Farooq\u2019s at the bottom of the fire escape where I left [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":188,"featured_media":213763,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"graphics-double-column","format":"standard","meta":{"_seopress_titles_title":"Spatchcock, a noir fiction by Nanou Blair Gould","_seopress_titles_desc":"Spatchcock is a noir fiction by Nanou Blair Gould, set in a London of pubs and the tangled lives of young actors.","_seopress_robots_index":"","_seopress_robots_follow":"","_seopress_robots_imageindex":"","_seopress_robots_snippet":"","_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_robots_breadcrumbs":"","_seopress_robots_freeze_modified_date":"","_seopress_robots_custom_modified_date":"","_seopress_robots_canonical":"","_seopress_social_fb_title":"","_seopress_social_fb_desc":"","_seopress_social_fb_img":"","_seopress_social_fb_img_attachment_id":0,"_seopress_social_fb_img_width":0,"_seopress_social_fb_img_height":0,"_seopress_social_twitter_title":"","_seopress_social_twitter_desc":"","_seopress_social_twitter_img":"","_seopress_social_twitter_img_attachment_id":0,"_seopress_social_twitter_img_width":0,"_seopress_social_twitter_img_height":0,"_seopress_redirections_value":"","_seopress_redirections_enabled":"","_seopress_redirections_enabled_regex":"","_seopress_redirections_logged_status":"","_seopress_redirections_param":"","_seopress_redirections_type":0,"_seopress_analysis_target_kw":"","_seopress_news_disabled":"","_seopress_video_disabled":"","_seopress_video":[],"_seopress_pro_schemas_manual":[],"_seopress_pro_rich_snippets_disable_all":"","_seopress_pro_rich_snippets_disable":[],"_seopress_pro_schemas":[],"selected_color":"","palette":"{\"media_id\":213763,\"colors\":[[25,65,17],[235,209,182],[157,84,134],[130,69,192],[102,170,73]],\"selected\":\"rgb(25, 65, 17)\",\"gradients\":{\"a1\":[\"#f7ffee\",\"#edffe1\",\"#b2f49c\",\"#97d783\",\"#7cbb6a\",\"#639f52\",\"#49853b\",\"#17520e\",\"#022d00\",\"#012200\",\"#011500\"],\"a2\":[\"#f7ffee\",\"#eeffe3\",\"#d7e8cc\",\"#bbcbb1\",\"#a0b097\",\"#86957d\",\"#6c7b65\",\"#3d4b37\",\"#1c2918\",\"#121f0e\",\"#081405\"],\"a3\":[\"#f2ffff\",\"#e6feff\",\"#bcebee\",\"#a0cfd2\",\"#85b3b6\",\"#6b999b\",\"#517f81\",\"#1e4d50\",\"#002b2d\",\"#002021\",\"#001415\"],\"n1\":[\"#fcfdf6\",\"#fafaf3\",\"#e2e3dc\",\"#c6c7c1\",\"#abaca6\",\"#90918c\",\"#767872\",\"#454743\",\"#242622\",\"#1a1c18\",\"#0f120e\"],\"n2\":[\"#f9fef1\",\"#f6fbee\",\"#dfe4d7\",\"#c3c8bc\",\"#a7ada1\",\"#8d9387\",\"#73796e\",\"#43483f\",\"#22271f\",\"#181d15\",\"#0d120b\"],\"error\":[\"#fffbff\",\"#fff8f7\",\"#ffdad6\",\"#ffb4ab\",\"#ff897d\",\"#ff5449\",\"#de3730\",\"#93000a\",\"#540003\",\"#410002\",\"#2d0001\"]}}","authors":"[{\"role\":\"Words and Illustration by\",\"related\":\"\",\"title\":\"Nanou Blair Gould\",\"unique_id\":\"MTExODA5MTE0MzU4ODc0MDgw\"}]","magazine_id":"216369","footnotes":"[]"},"categories":[1611],"tags":[1916,2240,2241],"location":[1621,1660,1661,206],"class_list":["post-213926","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-fiction-en","tag-fiction","tag-noir","tag-london-life","location-europe","location-united-kingdom-en","location-london","location-regno-unito"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/cookinc.it\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/213926","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/cookinc.it\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/cookinc.it\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/cookinc.it\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/188"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/cookinc.it\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=213926"}],"version-history":[{"count":13,"href":"https:\/\/cookinc.it\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/213926\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":217766,"href":"https:\/\/cookinc.it\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/213926\/revisions\/217766"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/cookinc.it\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/213763"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/cookinc.it\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=213926"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/cookinc.it\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=213926"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/cookinc.it\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=213926"},{"taxonomy":"location","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/cookinc.it\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/location?post=213926"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}